Lessons Learned

I remember the nurse putting some kind of mask on my face as I lay down on the
operating table and said sweet dreams. After that, I had no recollection what happened to me during my gall bladder surgery in the late eighties. I never, however, forgot the impression that experience gave me. I learned that it is okay to let go of ones control of life. I did that during my surgery and everything turned out well.

Recently a similar learning experience occurred to me except it was a lumbar surgery that did not happen to my disappointment.  I prepared so hard for the procedure. Getting the physical exam and MRI on time.  Remembering countless things: the special soap to use for a week, the nose thing twice a day, the meds I had to skip and the herbs and spices I could not use. I did not want to forget these countless do s and don't s.

Plus I had to do some preparations for after the surgery. Preparing food during recuperation when I could not cook. Cleaning the house and clearing anything I can trip on. Doing my laundry. Clean, clean which I seldom do.

I got the news on the phone that the insurance did not approve the surgery the day before I was to have it. I was on my way upstairs to launder sheets on the bed of our guestroom which I might use while recuperating. I felt what a prospective bride might feel when the groom backs out. Such a letdown.

I was told I would have to appeal which I did that same day. But as the day progressed, it sank in that the process would take time.

I cried every single night as I waited for the insurance to finally approve the surgery it declined. The urgency I felt to have it for several reasons plus the nerve wracking preparations that I had to do contributed to the frustration and anger that ensued.

I got over these emotions after a week and learned an important thing along the way. Things can wait and I could learn to do so. Urgency sometimes is in the mind.  I hope this experience will stay with me especially in moments I just have to have something that I want urgently.

I lived through the disappointment and survived,  like most other times in my life. I just need to realize things will happen just not in my preferred time but God's time.