The acceptance of
knowing and unknowing. To
move from there gladly.
Note: The photo shows the renovated St. Bartholomew Church in Malabon City, Metro Manila where I grew up. As a student at the adjoining St. James Academy attending weekly Masses there, I used to gaze up above and wonder how I could get up there where a sort of veranda is located. I am glad to see that part of the church has been retained in the renovation.
We were happy to be together. As one member of the group pointed out the group keeps her grounded and reminds her of what are important in life. As Sr. Paula mentioned during the charism recollection what we need to tap into are already there, they just need to be revived and the prayer meetings do help.
One member felt old age catching up on her and she consoles herself with the insight that what she could not do anymore she had been given abundant opportunities to do in the past. She is grateful for that.
The metaphor used in the book "Under the Tuscan Sun" at the beginning and at the end of the book about the faucet that was broken and then mentioned again at the end as repaired without any explanation showed to one member how similar is the way God takes care of us. The member mentioned how this was apparent when she thought she could not say her last goodbye to a close friend during her friend's funeral mass and was despondent about it and how another friend and her daughter made it possible for her to postpone a responsibility she had to do and made it possible for her to go. She also felt her close friend's love from above when she ate with a friend Chinese after the funeral mass. Eating Chinese is something she shared with her close friend who just passed.
Sr. Paula mentioned how the phrase from the song Oh Holy Night,"And the soul felt its worth". touched her and made her think of the significance of Christmas. As the part of the lyrics shown below show, the coming of the Saviour validates God's love for us and how he values us.
With these thoughts, our prayer group prays for all of you.
O Holy Night
O Holy night, the stars are brightly shining
It is the night of our dear Savior's birth
Long lay the world in sin and error pining
Til He appeared and the soul felt it's worth
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn
Fall on your knees
O hear the angel voices
O night divine!
O night when Christ was born
O night divine!
O night, o night divine!
And in His Name, all oppression shall cease
Sweet hymns…
PS. I researched further the story behind the song and what I discovered is what I want to share with you. Click on this link.
The CSJA Memorial Day of Reflection
“Learning to Sing Alleluia with Broken Hearts:
Feminist and Womanist explorations of Struggle and Grace” was held on November 12, 2016 at Medaille Hall Baden PA with Dr. Elisabeth Vasko, an Associate Professor of Theology of
Duquesne University as the presenter in the morning. During this
retreat day, Dr. Vasko read three examples of brokenness in our community
and used them to explore the patterns of thought and bodily habits involved in them in order for us to "reclaim
the future together".
The audience were also invited to explore in the midst of brokenness the questions: What does it mean to
love God? To love one’s self? To love one’s neighbor?
Here is the wonderful and powerful handout prepared by Dr. Vasko as our guide in answering the challenging question: "Do you like yourself?", like being harder than love according to her. She also pointed out that we cannot like others if we do not like ourselves. Please do take the time to do the highly effective exercise.
Here is the handout which Dr. Vasko prepared as the guidelines for discussion and questions the group had to answer after the reflection time.
After lunch, the afternoon session featured the memorial day ritual where we prayed for the associates and sisters who have journeyed with them. This was presided by Monica Maghrak who chaired the Memorial Day of recollection. The associates were asked to place a white rose as the name of the associates and sisters was mentioned. She chose white since it signifies among other things the convergence of heaven and earth during death as a Peruvian saying states. Monica further said, it is hard not to believe in the afterlife if you witness death or somebody dying first hand.
We were then given a piece of paper which we were asked to shred according to how we wished to as a symbol of our brokenness. These torn pieces were then collected in a basket and offered at the altar in the chapel together with the thirty white roses in the large vase. A beautiful, moving and touching ceremony.
We went home with a lot of hope that even though we are all Humpty Dumptys, broken after the fall, we can be still made whole. We can still sing Alleluia, as Dr.Vasko said, through our brokenness since life is a journey with Him up there helping us through.
One member of the group is particularly grateful for oneness or unity which is part of the charism of the Sisters of St Joseph. Another member mentioned Richard Rohr's Cosmic Christ (as well as Teilhard de Chardin's) which is finding Jesus in all of creation. This is a practice that St. Francis of Assisi understood so well and showed in his love for animals and nature in general. Sr. Paula gave a beautiful quotation which states, "There are only two books to have. The Bible and Nature".
Indeed, for Hildegard nature was a mirror for the soul and a mirror for God. This mirroring affects a complete change in consciousness in how most of us see and experience reality. Later, Bonaventure (1217-1274) wrote: “In the soul’s journey to God we must present to ourselves the whole material world as the first mirror through which we may pass over to the Supreme [Artisan].” [4] The Dominican Meister Eckhart (1260-1327) said the same: “If humankind could have known God without the world, God would never have created the world.” [5]
We all hope that this short reflection find you happy and at peace surrounded by the beauty of nature around you especially the gorgeous and dazzling changing leaves of autumn, a generous gift from God. God is good. God loves us. God takes care of us. What more do we want.
The first house my family ever lived in was by the river, the Malabon River. We lived in the fifties at my fraternal grandmother's house located in the fishing town, Malabon, which was about 20 minutes without traffic from Manila. My grandmother lived on the first floor while my family occupied the second floor. In fact, my uncle who was single then when we were staying at this house also occupied a room on the floor where we were.
The house was located on the same compound that had then and even now the bottling facilities of the fish sauce company (Rufina Patis) my grandmother who I called Nanang founded and which flourished in the hands of her five sons and two daughters. We lived in this house in the fifties till I was ten years old. Below are photos taken during my visit with my husband, Bob, at the bottling facility in compound number 1 by the Malabon River February 2023.
I remember a flat large deck on this second floor where our labandera or laundress would hang wet clothes on the clothes lines to dry. As young children I remember eating fried chicken on the wide windowsill in front of this deck during which one of my brothers, Benjie, would be throwing the chicken bones to a rat (or two) for it to eat. He found pleasure watching them gnaw on the bones while they were trapped in an inverted waste basket made of wire with holes in it. However, he discovered those rats could squeeze themselves out through those small openings easily once they were full and escape. This was one of the ways we found to amuse ourselves during our stay in this house.
For me I entertained myself by watching the various vehicles that passed through this river. From large fishing boats called lantsa to small ones ran by motor or by hand. The ones that fascinated me the most were the bamboo rafts that "parked" across our house for two or three days. The raft had a little igloo shaped structure made of nipa which was just big enough for the fisherman to sleep in at night or shelter himself from rain. Once they found the right spot for fishing, I always admired how these men skillfully maneuvered the rafts in place onto a post with their long bamboo poles.
These fishermen looked so peaceful, and Zen like in their movements. Everything they did seemed more like they were on vacation rather than making a living. Whatever they caught did not seem much to me either and were deposited in woven baskets with covers. Once filled they would set out to go back to their homes. They apparently knew the meaning of enough. see photo below from this website
Salambao fishing raft, Malabon River, northern Metro Manila, Philippines, 1899 or before
Description with picture: Shows river, stone bridge, native raft of bamboo, poled by two men. Raft has grass hut, fishing net suspended in front.
Published in: Our islands and their people as seen with camera and pencil. St. Louis : N.D. Thompson Pub. Co., c1899. Vol. 2, pg. 762. Captioned: Native raft of bamboo poles on the Pasig River.
(Notice that the caption in the book is Pasig River that is in error and seems to be intentionally so)
Photograph is in an album that documents experiences of Frank Freeman Atkinson, Sergeant in Battery D, US Army.
Photograph was a gift to the library by Mrs. Frank Atkinson, Feb. 16, 1948.
California History Room picture Collection
California State Library
I always pictured the scene of these fishermen in their bamboo rafts like they were taken from one of the paintings of the great Filipino painter, Amorsolo. They were iconic and pure and truly represented the Filipino life then which was simpler and less hectic than today.
The river was more than a place for boats to travel or for people to catch fish during those times in the fifties when the river water was still clean and free of pollution. During the month of December, exactly on December 9, a fluvial parade featuring a pagoda on a barge was held to celebrate the feast of the Immaculate Conception which is the patron saint of this part of Malabon where we lived. This custom is continued to this day, and I believed was and might still be sponsored by the company my Nanang Fina established. I remember days before the pagoda set sail, people from the factory planning, building and decorating it especially the focal point where the statue of the Blessed Mother would be perched. see photos in this website and this website.
The statue of the Blessed Mother was carried on the shoulders of several men who transported it to the pagoda starting from the church with people in a procession on foot. The pagoda by that time would have been decorated with lights, flowers and balloons.
Also, part of the day's fiesta celebration was the fireworks show that was actually performed across the river from our house on the shore of Navotas, the adjoining town to Malabon. I remember as a child, fearing some of the relatively harmless remnants of the fireworks descending on me which I brushed off with my hand while screaming.
Before this show, we would eat a big feast attended by guests of my grandmother's seven children. I remember several people on tables strewn around the compound feasting on the food prepared by cooks imported from another town. My favorite dish served was the paella to which I compared everyone I have ever eaten of this dish ever since. Once we heard the blaring music from the pagoda we would run quickly from where we were eating and to the short wall that separated the grounds of the house from the river. We would try to fight for the space that had the best view of the beautifully decorated barge bearing the Blessed Mother.
Prayers recited in that monotone voice by the leader were also said and could be heard amidst the sound of the Ave Maria music and fireworks. After all this was more than a parade, it was a religious procession except it was held in water with the swarm of people packed like sardines moved by the boat rather than by them walking.
The last time I attended the fiesta was in the early nineties with my two young children. We were all suffering from jet lags being the first few days of our Philippine trip visiting from the United States. I remember still running when I heard the familiar sound signaling the pagoda was coming and I still jostled for the best spot to view it. I was glad my children were too sleepy to see me do these childish behaviors.
Glitzy as this fluvial parade is, my favorite memories of the river were still those of the vehicles that passed through it every day. I would never forget the serenity of the fishermen in the bamboo rafts especially against the backdrop of the setting sun. The ordinariness of these scenes of everyday life to me then and especially now is just as colorful as the fully decked out pagoda with all its pomp and pageantry. I am grateful for both the ordinary and extraordinary parts of my stay in the house by the river. I learned from both of them how my faith, culture and experience have shaped who I am now.
Theme of the prayer meeting for October was prayer. One of the quotes on prayer from the handout that was beautifully prepared by Sr. Paula and shown above came from St. Therese of Lisieux. To expand on prayer, I decided to share with you some thoughts given during the three part presentation on the St. Therese of Lisieux and the Life of Prayer exquisitely given by Dr. Susan Muto and Lori McMahon from the Epiphany Academy of Formative Spirituality at St. Bernadette Church in Monroeville.
Kathy from St. Bernadette, Dr. Susan Muto, Jean from St. Bernadette, Fr. Tony Gargotta, pastor of St. Bernadette and Lori McMahon.
I will particularly focus on the last part of the series, Living in Appreciative Abandonment. I have enumerated (in italics) below some of the thoughts by St. Therese of Liseaux on Abandonment. The comments in quotes came from her book Story of a Soul as presented in the slides prepared by Lori McMahon.
Total confidence in God's infinite mercy. She looked upon herself as a "weak little bird with only a light down as covering".
Childlike surrender to the way of love. She always looked forward to surrender herself to the will of God.
Unshakable belief in God's love for souls. I would say unconditional love for us as he showed to his disciples during their days of "not getting His message".
Full conviction that abandonment alone is our compass. She believes that God that does not ask "for great actions but only abandon and gratitude".
I would like to share also the slide given during the presentation on the two possible meanings of the term "abandonment" from the Teachings on Formative Spirituality by Father Adrian van Kaam: one being Depreciative, Abandoned by the Mystery and the other Appreciative, Abandon to the Mystery. (How powerful are prepositions!). The former results in viewing life as meaningless while the other life as meaningful.
I hope that the handout by Sr. Paula and the thoughts that came from the presentation by Dr. Susan Muto and Lori McMahon move you to a prayer life of appreciative abandonment. Sr. Paula shared a favorite prayer of hers given to her by one of the novices she was with. It was simply a three word prayer, Dear God then pause then Amen. Thank you for reading and enjoy the beautiful autumn weather.
Please check the Pittsburgh Catholic for similar presentations on Prayer and St. Therese of Lisieux that will be presented at other parishes in the area by Dr. Muto and Lori McMahon. Also please check the website of the Epiphany Academy of Formative Spirituality for books and courses and other offerings on different topics on spirituality offered at their center or online.
Here are a couple of books available at their website that are related to the reflections discussed in this post.
As tradition goes, the CSJA Baden group holds a recollection which is also part of the orientation of any new prospective members of the association every September. This past Sunday we joined together to welcome our lone candidate for this year, Molly, of West Virginia.
We started the day with our introduction of ourselves to the group followed by Mass at the Chapel and then lunch. We then started with Sr. Paula's talk for the day, "Charism is Alive and Well". Before the talk we said two prayers, The CSJ Associate Prayer, shown below on the left and another prayer, Care of the Charism on the right below. Sr. Paula is inviting all prayer groups to use the latter before and after their meeting to be one in spirit with the rest of the CSJ congregation.
I was looking forward to Sr. Paula's talk all week and definitely that day but I ate too much during lunch especially the beef barley soup I fell asleep at the beginning of the talk. Here are the notes that I posted on my Iphone for most of the awesome talk. All the thoughts are as usual beautiful.
Our charism is oneness
We are already one.
Sr. Paula told us what the late Julie Harkins of the Boston CSJ used to say about the associates. They do not join to get the charism, they already have it.
Charism is being yourself. Sr. Paula gave the invitation to explore and recall when we first noticed it. She also invited us to lean into that deep place within us. To get in touch with it. It is natural grace. It is already there in that space. In as much as possible, unconsciously or consciously (for more vibrancy) we tap into it and use it.
It is a journey to be the best of who we are. However, it is not where we are. The circumstances are just the container of who we are and meant to be.
You are the carrier of this charism. Wherever anyone of us is there we all are.
Giving into charism empowers God to fill that space. Part of this journey is to show up.
Sr. Paula also used the metaphor of the wind and the trees. We do not see the wind but we know it is there based on the way it makes the tree leaves rustle and sway. So is charism.
Appreciate the tremendous gift your life has been. It is not what you are doing but the manner you are doing it.
Always visit this place where this charism resides. She then told us about a novice mistress who always enjoined her novices to "Make God look good today" as they started their day.
We are rooted in God and loved by God.
We then had testimonies from three members of the Thursday Baden Prayer Group who hosted the day of recollection and orientation. Patty, Cindie and Carla mentioned what the charism had meant in their lives. I just want to share something during this part. Excuse me for being food oriented but Cindie cited what Carla is famous for in their church, her awesome gravy. Once a year or is it several times she prepares meals for the church with this unforgettable sauce.
Two associates, Carla and Judy, who attended the Federation Meeting of the Sisters of St. Joseph this past July in Florida also shared their experience at this meeting. It was an edifying experience for both of them who went to the meeting with another associate, Monica, and forty or so CSJ Baden sisters. They learned from the other attendees through groups that they were assigned to. (700 attended). They learned peace and justice. Judy particularly spoke about the existence of human slavery right here in the United States. It was also mentioned that they attended the memorial for the Pulse Night Club victims where the televised coverage showed our own Monica in one scene. Carla shared with us the theme song of the meeting, By Breath, by Sara Thomsen. Click below for the YouTube version of this beautiful and meaningful song about oneness.
We were given a 30 minute break to ponder two questions as shown in the handout I reproduced way back at the beginning of this post and blew up for you below. Please contemplate what your answers are whenever you are able.
In the sharing session, beautiful experiences were shared. I would like to share one particular one from Joan about the story of how miracles do happen. This is related to the Winking Christ.
Joan told us about the painter she had hired to paint her house. Mark I believe was his name came full of excitement on his first day of the painting job exclaiming "Miracles do happen". He told Joan about a young man he met many years ago who he hired and believed in despite his personal struggles. This young man turned around and became one of his best employees for many years. This employee however fell ill and one day Mark visited him and shared one of his Winking Christ paintings. (Mark also loved to paint art and one he loves to do is that of Christ. He made Christ eyes wink when his wife suggested correcting one of them. Ever since then he had made several of his Winking Christ paintings). This particular gift changed his dying employee and his wife. He learned they both converted to Catholicism before he passed away. Miracles do happen.
We ended our meeting with a meditation led by Chris based on our being one which is part of our charism, UNION. We did feel each other's heart as we held hands with each other.
And that is how the meeting ended. We thank Sr. Paula, Judy, the Orientation Chair, Linda, who prepared the flier and the generous hearted Thursday Baden Prayer group for their hospitality. The food was glorious and so was the company of 20 or so associates and a couple of sisters who joined us.
Paula's prayer group meeting at Dorothy's house started back today after a two month break. We were all glad to see Sr. Paula back.
The meeting started with the song "You are on Holy Ground" (excerpt below) and a reading from Colossians 3: 12-14.
We then had a 20 minute quiet time to the reflective music by Gregory Norbet. Sr. Paula then asked the question "How are you and God getting along these days?". Dorothy shared that she had had some arguments with God with regards to the death of her friend who died of ALS. It was a big blow to Dorothy. Natalie consoled her with the thought that we really could not tell how our prayers of intercession for our friends affect them and what are going on in their minds. Natalie also mentioned the pendulum of consolation and desolation is part of ones prayer life.
Rose, who incidentally came with her beautiful granddaughter Kristina, talked about her 95 year old brother who is not feeling well and whose wife and she know would be ready to leave them and go to heaven. Rose said something that is sad and humorous at the same time, that there is not much to do at this point for him he might as well go to heaven.
When Lulu mentioned that she has been struggling with what is real or true in her faith including what happens after death, Sr. Paula suggested that it might be time to embrace the God of Love rather than the Blueprint God. This shift will generate peace and not fear. We do things not for an end but because of our love of God and God's love for us. Kristina spoke about how her friend does good because he wanted to do so and not because he has to. She also mentioned her realization of the outpouring of good and Jesus' love from within her to the outside rather than vice versa. Paula said that it is because Jesus love is already within us. "He had already done great things for me" as the handout shown above says.
Natalie mentioned we have discussed in another prayer meeting at Sue's place this past Wednesday about free will, a gift given to each and everyone. Though challenging, it is something to be accepted and respected. It is part of ones growth in attaining unconditional love especially for persons that we could not understand.
We appreciate our time together in our group as always. We thank Kristina for joining us and sharing her insights. Once again it is nice to hold hands together as we journey in our lives. Thanks Sr. Paula for your guidance and also Dorothy for your hospitality.
