Friday, October 29, 2021

Kathy and Laurie

 

I remember Kathy and Laurie as a package memory.  We met at the pharmaceutical company we worked for in the late eighties in Kansas City. They were both in their twenties and working at their first job with a big company and so was I though I was nearing my forties.  It was a sought after job for me after years of grad school and postdoctoral work. A real job at last.

We have different personalities and backgrounds but we clicked.  One particular denominator we had is  our faith though they were all different. Kathy belonged to the Church of Christ a denomination that I remember as one that sing their hymns a capella. Laurie was raised Catholic but belonged to a different sect when we met. I remember attending their services at certain occasions.  Laurie had Wednesday ones I attended which included the pastor praying over you. I remember going home after a session with thunder and lightning accompanying me on my ride home. At that time I felt my prayer to lift my depression during the laying of hands was being answered and God was showing me a sign.

I attended Kathy's service where hymns were sang a capella and communion host passed in little vessels. She invited my kids to their bible school and myself to a discussion group after their church service.

Both were more into reading the bible than I was.  In fact I credit them both for introducing me to taking it up.  Catholics of my age were brought up cautiously in bible use. We sometimes had bible studies during lunch time where we worked.  One day Laurie came to my house during a bout of anxiety from our job carrying her thick bible with her.

We visited each other at our respective homes.  Laurie was single and lived by herself in an apartment while Kathy lived in one with her newly married husband who was in dental school.  I lived in a house with my husband. two young kids and my mother in law.

When I left my job we still met up till I and my family moved to Pittsburgh.  Laurie actually sent me a cute cartoon wherein one person's hair was colored by her black to represent me.  The caption said something like how many persons are needed to a task in the cartoon.  Laurie and I were in the same group at the company.  She evidently missed me.  

We communicated now and then. One day I got a call from Kathy that Laurie passed away.  She relayed the sad news that she took her life.  Laurie had written me that she was having bouts of anxieties and depression.  She even had gone to a bible school but still unhappy with her religion, work and personal life. She also reduced her work time to ease her situation.

I have not heard from Kathy after that call except for Xmas greetings which contained information about their move to another state and birth of their children.  I have not heard from her for years now.  

The two were memorable part of my life in Kansas City which was a vulnerable challenging time.   I was lucky to have them as friends.

Wednesday, October 27, 2021

clarity with help of social media

 

my friend lily died

and i did not know

until the facebook page of hers

had bday greetings for her in heaven

postings dated way back in june 2021

what!?

the next few days brought

lots of memories and tears. 

her dancing salsa in the shoe store

our ice cream stroll to Georgetown

cooking pancit at her apartment's bathroom/kitchen

trips to maryland

wherever her relatives are

trips to friends places

richmond, maryland.

it was hard to not know when, how

obituary not published.

but i wanted to know.

thanks to messenger,

some clue as to how at least.

but not fully clear. esp when.

here goes some entries

in june 2020 she wrote

thanks for the lovely b'day post sweet Lulu! ok ka lang diyan? (1 more month chemo here... recurrence of same non-hodgkin's lymphoma)

glad you're well now dearest Lulu! mahirap lang ang chemo effects😢 looking at the bright side... treatable ang lymphoma type per my oncologist.

(recurring from 5years remission)

swollen neck lymph nodes, and underneath right armpit... then tissue sample test then oncologist's diagnosis

in september 21 2020 she wrote

r u really really ok Lulu? truth: i am not praying for us🙏❤

B Cell Indolent Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, it's called indolent as in... slow-growing he says
Enter

Lily

Lily Novicio
i miss u so much! yes, i'm in good hands... praise God🙏





then sept 22, 2020

(i just got back from PET/CT Scan, reading with Oncologist sometime next week)


that was the end of exchange.

was it bad news?

 i wish i followed up.

i never expected

someone so full of life

actually the life of every party

would die so soon.

two days ago as i was

taking my daily walk
 
another friend's smiling happy face

who recently passed away

flashed in my mind.

i was happy and at peace.

she is up there.

and so is lily.

she is ok. and

i am ok.
 
she is resting in peace.





41st APAMS Impetus They Care

 









In awe. Forty years

from vision to fruition.

They dream  They care. Still.

Tuesday, October 26, 2021

pray share chat 10/27/2021 trust the river

First happy birthday wish to mary cay.

Best Happy Birthday To You | Happy Birthday Songs Remix 2020 - YouTube




Focus of today's meeting is trust.


1,  Meditation

 Daily Calm | 10 Minute Mindfulness Meditation | Letting Go - YouTube


2.  Song




Precious Lord, Take My Hand - Westin Asidor | THE ASIDORS 2021 - YouTube



3.  Narrative

https://cac.org/trust-the-river-2016-02-04/

Trust the River 

Thursday, February 4, 2016


Grace and mercy teach us that we are all much larger than the good or bad stories we tell about ourselves or about one another. Please don’t get caught in your small stories; they are usually less than half true, and therefore not really “true” at all. They’re usually based on hurts and unconscious agendas that allow us to see and judge things in a very selective way. They’re not the whole You, not the Great You, not the Great River. Therefore it is not where your big life can really happen. No wonder the Spirit is described as “flowing water” and as “a spring inside you” (John 4:10-14) or, at the end of the Bible, as a “river of life” (Revelation 22:1-2). Strangely, your real life is not about “you.” It is a part of a much larger stream called God.


I believe that faith might be precisely that ability to trust the Big River of God’s providential love, which is to trust the visible embodiment (the Son), the flow (the Holy Spirit), and the source itself (the Father). This is a divine process that we don’t have to change, coerce, or improve. We just need to allow it and enjoy it. That takes immense confidence, especially when we’re hurting. Usually, I can feel myself get panicky. Then I want to quickly make things right. I lose my ability to be present and I go up into my head and start obsessing. Soon I tend to be overly focused in my head to such a point that I don’t really feel or experience things in my heart and body. I’m oriented toward goals and making things happen, trying to push or even create my own river. Yet the Big River is already flowing through me and I am only one small part of it.


Faith does not need to push the river precisely because it is able to trust that there is a river. The river is flowing; we are already in it. This is probably the deepest meaning of “divine providence.” So do not be afraid. We have been proactively given the Spirit by a very proactive God. Jesus understands this gift as a foregone conclusion: “If you, who are evil, know how to give your children what is good, how much more will the heavenly Father give you the Holy Spirit?” (Luke 11:13).


Simone Weil said, “It is grace that forms a void inside of us and it is also grace that fills that void.” Grace leads us to the state of emptiness, to that momentary sense of meaninglessness in which we ask, “What is it all for? What does it all mean?” Without grace we will not enter into such a necessary void, and without grace the void will not be filled. All we can do is try to keep our hands cupped and open. And it is even grace to do that. But we must want grace and know we need it.


Ask yourself regularly, “What am I afraid of? Does it matter? Will it matter at the end or in the great scheme of things? Is it worth holding on to?” Grace will lead you into such fears and emptiness, and grace alone can fill them up, if we are willing to stay in the void. It is a kind of “negative capability” that God seems to make constant use of. We mustn’t engineer an answer too quickly. We mustn’t get settled too fast. We all want to manufacture an answer to take away our anxiety and settle the dust. To stay in God’s hands, to trust, means that we usually have to let go of our attachments to feelings—which are going to pass away anyway (which is the irony of it all). People of deep faith develop a high tolerance for ambiguity, and come to recognize that it is only the small self that needs certitude or perfect order all the time. The Godself is perfectly at home in the River of Mystery.



Reference:

Adapted from Richard Rohr, Everything Belongs: The Gift of Contemplative Prayer (The Crossroad Publishing Company: 2003), 46, 53, 142-144.

4.  Prayer

I Place My Trust In You Lord

Lord, You are the God of peace and love in Whom I place my trust. Give me a peaceful heart that rests in You and a loving spirit that pours fourth Your love to others.

Lord, You are the God of comfort and rest in Whom I put my hope. Give me a heart that abides in You so that Your comfort may stream through me to others who need comfort and strength.

Lord, You are the God of hope and joy in Whom I stand secure. Give me a spirit of devotion that worships only You so that I may be a worthy witness that points to Jesus, for in Him is all peace and love and comfort and rest and hope and joy and love.

I place my trust in You, Lord. 

Amen.

Source: https://prayer.knowing-jesus.com/Prayers-for-Trust

5.  Meditation

Relaxing Sleep Music • Deep Sleeping Music, Relaxing Music, Stress Relief, Meditation Music (Flying) - YouTube


6.  Song

LAUREN DAIGLE - Trust In You (Lyric Video) - YouTube





Tuesday, October 19, 2021

pray share chat 10/20/2021 compassion

 Theme of today's meeting is compassion

1.  Meditation

10 Minute Morning Meditation for Clarity, Stability, and Presence | Goop - YouTube


2.  Song

Soften My Heart - Maranatha Singers - YouTube




3.  Narrative

Richard Rohr Meditation: Smelling like the Sheep

Center for Action and Contemplation


Tuesday, September 28th, 2021

 

A compassionate presence is one of the fruits of contemplation. In Richard Rohr’s book Eager to Love, he writes about the great compassion of St. Francis of Assisi (1182–1226) for others, which is inspired by the great compassion of Jesus.


The most obvious change that results from the holding and allowing that we learn in the practice of contemplative prayer is that we will naturally become much more compassionate and patient toward just about everything. Compassion and patience are the absolutely unique characteristics of true spiritual authority, and without any doubt are the way both St. Francis and St. Clare (1194–1253) led their communities. They led, not from above, and not even from below, but mostly from within, by walking with their brothers and sisters, or “smelling like the sheep,” as Pope Francis puts it. . . .  


A spiritual leader who lacks basic human compassion has almost no power to change other people, because people intuitively know he or she does not represent the Whole and Holy One. Such leaders need to rely upon roles, laws, costume, and enforcement powers to effect any change in others. Such change does not go deep, nor does it last. In fact, it is not really change at all. It is mere conformity.


We see this movement toward a shared compassion in all true saints. For example, St. Francis was able to rightly distinguish between institutional evil and the individual who is victimized by it. He still felt compassion for the individual soldiers fighting in the crusades, although he objected to the war itself. He realized the folly and yet the sincerity of their patriotism, which led them, however, to be un-patriotic to the much larger kingdom of God, where he placed his first and final loyalty. What Jesus calls “the Reign of God” we could call the Great Compassion.


Catholic author Judy Cannato, who worked to integrate the Gospels with the new cosmology, believed this Great Compassion was Jesus’ primary objective. She writes:


The realm of God that Jesus preached and died for was one that was known for its kindness and generosity, its compassion and healing. There was no one deemed outside the love of the Holy One whom Jesus called “Father.” No one was excluded from fellowship, not the rich or poor, male or female, slave or free. Jesus went beyond superficial divisions and called for a culture of compassion.


Compassion changes everything. Compassion heals. Compassion mends the broken and restores what has been lost. Compassion draws together those who have been estranged or never even dreamed they were connected. Compassion pulls us out of ourselves and into the heart of another, placing us on holy ground where we instinctively take off our shoes and walk in reverence. Compassion springs out of vulnerability and triumphs in unity. [1]


Only people at home in such a spacious place can take on the social illnesses of their time, and even the betrayal of friends, and not be destroyed by cynicism or bitterness.


 

 

[1] Judy Cannato, Field of Compassion: How the New Cosmology Is Transforming Spiritual Life (Sorin Books: 2010), 8.


4.  Prayer



5.  Song

May We Become the Compassion of God - YouTube




 



 

 

 


Tuesday, October 12, 2021

paula's prayer meeting 10/13/2021



 

LOVED    

BELOVED        LOVE

“Have for God an expansive love which includes all that love is capable of and all that a heart can love in God and for God; an exalted love full of purpose and ardor, transcending the mass of creatures; a profound heartfelt love which is at your heart’s center and cannot be uprooted by any created power.”  Mx Chapter IX # 2

 

“All must be friend, all must be loved, all must be held dear, all must be helped.” Teresa Avila

 “Let nothing disturb you, let nothing frighten you; all things."     Teresa Avila

 “The important thing is not to think much but to love much, and so do that which best stirs you to love.”  Teresa Avila

 

May you be blessed by the God of

Love whose greatest desire is to be

 one with you.  May you draw close

and know the thrill of God’s beating

heart against your own.  May

God be a listening presence in every

word and thought and experience of your

existence.  May the fire and passion of

God’s love for you move you to be a

compassionate and loving presence to all

you meet.  May the God of Love be with you.

 

spectacle of un blasé ness


 







roar, applause as the

curtain went up, after songs

too.  souls cry of joy.


Note:

I witnessed recently the exuberance of an appreciative audience in not one but 3 other Broadway plays I attended.  I have seen one of them before in the past but I do not remember the same enthusiastic squeals of joy and applause as this second time. The pandemic brought this hunger and the return of the opening of Broadway satisfied this thirst.  It was quite an experience to witness sheer joy and gratefulness.

Wednesday, October 6, 2021

pray share chat 10/6/2021 Rose Capone Memorial

 

  

Prayer

First Song

Here I am Lord with lyrics - YouTube




First Reading

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8   

1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Second Song

Do Not Let Your Hearts Be Troubled by David Haas (Cover by Renae and Mark Haas) - YouTube

Second Reading     

Revelation 21:1-7 1Then I saw "a new heaven and a new earth," for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. 2I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. 3And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Look! God's dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4'He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." 5He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." 6He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. 7Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children.

Third Song

how great thou art sung by bob herold - YouTube



Sharing of Memories

Video

zoom memorial for rose - YouTube